A Second Chance

3:30 PM.

That was the time school was supposed to end.

Right now, it was 3:57, and the steel door was still clamped shut.

Kyle wasn’t complaining, though. I mean, who wouldn’t want to have a break from homework and a dad yelling at him to get his grades up and get his act together, and mom, who came back into their lives asking for a second chance but disappeared into the shelters of her room every time something went wrong, and–

Kyle stopped himself before his mind went down that dangerous path, shaking his head to clear it. 

He dragged his nails against the glossy wood desk, earning glares from the others in the room. The high-pitched shriek that came from the desk may have cut through the silence, but it was still a long way from cutting through the tension hanging low and heavy in the room.

He sighed, leaning back on my chair.

Detention sure was the worst. 

***

“Are we really gonna sit here like everything’s fine?”

Kyle hadn’t meant to say it out loud, not really. 

But it was out there, so he couldn’t help but pair his words with a pointed look to his parents and his signature snarky eyeroll. 

His father narrowed his eyes at him for a moment, crossing his legs. “Is that a problem?” He had laced his fingers in front of him, resting his elbows on the table. He raised his eyebrows at Kyle, daring the same boy he had constantly frowned upon to challenge him. His father’s jade green eyes met his, as if it were a staring contest.

And Kyle was too stubborn to blink. 

“So, Kyle, how are you doing in school?” His mom interrupted, pulling her eyes away from the staring contest to look at Kyle. Her smile seemed somewhat strained as she waited for him to respond.

Kyle tore his eyes away from his father’s, looking down at his food. He spread some of the vegetables around as he mumbled, “Fine.” 

Kyle had to restrain himself from lashing out as his father clicked his tongue. 

“Now, that isn’t a proper answer, is it? Go on, tell her how you’re doing in school.”

Kyle shot him a withering glare before looking back down. “I’m doing fine in school. I have mostly As,” He told his plate, resisting the urge to add, “There was a lot of bribery involved to get them.” He had long since learnt that joking was strictly forbidden in this household after he had told his father an elaborate story about how he had been banned from using any lab equipment. The story had involved lots of fire, and his father’s response had involved lots of silence. Followed by lots of scolding. 

His mom smiled at him, but his father took over yet again. “Mostly? You know that anything short of an A- is unacceptable in this household.”

He sucked in a breath, fighting the temptation to shoot a retort back. That was kind of his specialty. Aside from being a disappointment, according to his father. 

Instead, he settled for getting up and leaving. With the rough scraping of the wooden legs of the chair on polished wood, he stood up and proceeded to walk up to his room. 

“Kyle Flemming! You were not excused!” His father shouted from the dining room.

He rolled his eyes now that he was out of sight. That was probably how his father liked him. Out of sight, out of mind. Except for when he made any mistake whatsoever. 

His mom’s words carried out of the room, making him pause.

“…you’re too hard on him. Can’t you try to feel a little empathy for him?”

Ok, she could not be talking about empathy right now.

He could nearly hear the scoff in his father’s voice. “Oh, please. I understand him perfectly fine. He’s just acting like the stubborn brat you raised him to be. Before you took off, when you didn’t get your perfect life.”

He couldn’t be talking either. 

Kyle sighed, slumping against the wall as he tried to shut off his parents’ rising voices. Why did they have to be like this? Was it really just him? Was he the problem?

All he saw was what he was supposed to be. What he was supposed to be, but could never seem to live up to. Maybe it really was him who shattered all his parents’ hopes and expectations with the harsh reality, the disappointment, of him.

He was just so sick of it. 

***

That night, Kyle dreamed of math tests strangling him and pencils impaling his sides as his parents’ voices echoed around him, tearing him apart piece by piece. He barely had time to register the protractors headed toward him before he jolted awake and decided sleep was overrated. He sat in bed motionless, feeling sorry for himself, wallowing in self-pity as he overthought every single moment in his life. Everything he had ever said, done, and thought rushed through his head all the way till morning. 

Even so, he didn’t get out of bed till past noon.

By the time the sun was piercing through his blinds angrily, Kyle was still too tired to say a single word to his parents as he dragged himself downstairs. He didn’t even have the mental capacity to come up with a witty response as his mom commented on how terrible he looked and how late it was, simply letting the storm stir inside of him. He let the words tumble through his head, gaining momentum as the storm built higher and higher and higher till it crashed into his head and left his mouth. 

Kyle didn’t remember what happened after that. All he remembered was the searing pain in his head and heart as his mom spoke. All he remembered was the soothing relief he felt as he let the words out, sharpening them to form knives that were aimed straight for her. 

He didn’t even remember what she had said after that. But he could still hear the words he had cut her with. He could still see them dig into her heart, ripping it to shreds, and she hurriedly rushed out of the room before he could really see how hard he had hit her.

“You only came back because you felt guilty, not because you love me.”

“You were never a real mom to me. And you never will be.”

“You should’ve stayed gone.”

Kyle didn’t even remember the phone call from the hospital. The only things he remembered were the broken fragments of sentences. Unfortunate tragedy…car accident…critical condition. Kyle had to keep reminding himself what that meant after he had hung up. 

But there was one thing he knew for sure:

This was his fault.

***

The world began to blur in front of Kyle.

He wasn’t sure if it was from his rushing thoughts or his tears. 

Kyle banged his head against the wall. Once. Twice. Three times. He lost count after that. He couldn’t keep up with all the thoughts running through his head. He couldn’t help but squeeze his eyes shut, banging his head harder as his mom’s voice took over his thoughts, quickly followed by his father’s. 

You’re always taking things away, Kyle. Expectations. Dreams. Opportunities. His mom’s voice said, echoing in his head. Your mother only came back to give you a second chance. You better not screw this up like you usually do, Kyle. His father’s voice was so full of bitterness that it almost made Kyle gag. God, they really were with him everywhere he went. 

“Excuse me, young man, please stop that.”

Kyle had barely registered someone was talking, much less to him, as he continued to hit his head against the wall, his eyes squeezed shut to keep himself from crying. He grit his teeth together, choking down the scream slowly starting to rise in his throat. 

“Excuse me, young man!” The voice hissed, slightly louder this time. 

Kyle finally paused, daring to open his eyes as he quickly met the man’s gaze and swiped at his face. He cleared his throat, staring at the ground. “S-sorry…” He mumbled. 

The man huffed, continuing to walk, his white coat swishing behind him. 

Kyle shifted his gaze to the ceiling, wincing as the blinding white hospital lights flooded his vision. The hospital seemed to reek of a sickly-sweet smell that was probably meant to cover up the dread and despair lingering in the air. It almost perfectly replicated his own feelings. 

He tore his gaze away from the ceiling, training on the door next to him. He had been in a constant cycle of staring at the door, tempted to open it, before continuing to blame himself for the accident, and then thinking about how depressing the hospital was. The only thing that seemed to snap him out of it was the door swinging open and his father walking out, frowning as usual.

His father scoffed at him, glancing him up and down. “So typical of you, Kyle, to not even try to atone for your behavior. I’m sure you don’t even understand the gravity of your actions and the situation you’ve put this family in.”

Kyle bit his tongue till the metallic taste of crimson filled his mouth. He was not about to cry in front of his father. Not here, not like this. He just fixed his father with a blank stare, wiping away any signs of hesitation, anger, or guilt. 

His father didn’t seem to know what to do with the look because the only thing he did was mutter, “She’s ready to see you,” before he turned on his heel and stalked away. 

Kyle’s gaze followed his father for a moment before turning back to the door, standing tall and intimidating in front of him. He closed his eyes, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding as he took the handle and walked in before he could second-guess himself.

“You came.” His mom’s voice was weak, in a way, cracking at the end of the phrase.

“I did.” The words came out weaker and drier than he had hoped, but carried more weight than he had expected as he sat down. It carried all his father’s words, weighing down on him every time he messed up. It carried the choices he had to carry when his mom came back. It carried the fact that he was too stubborn to forgive her, but too weak to hate her. It carried all the times he had sat in his room, trying to block out the world with his music. It carried all the times he had wished to be someone, anyone, else. It carried all the weight he was too scared to carry on his own. 

His mom paused slightly, but didn’t push. But she didn’t need to, because, just like that, Kyle suddenly knew what to do. He knew what he needed to do. He knew why he had to do it. The same shadows he had hid in, away from his problems, were holding him back. It didn’t need to be big. It just needed to be something—an offering.

Kyle shook his head slightly, turning his attention back to his mom. She was still watching him with a soft expression, not saying anything. She rested her hand gently on the blankets, resting her head back as she lay down. 

And it was right there. The perfect time. The perfect opportunity. The thing he’d been waiting for. It was just a small gesture, one silent offering. It was a hand that extended into the dark. It wasn’t big, it wasn’t perfect. But it was a start. 

Kyle stared at her hand, still resting on the blankets. Without thinking, he raised his hand, hovering over hers. His mind seemed to be working on its own, bringing his hand closer and closer. But as his fingers just barely ghosted her’s, he moved his hand away, resting it on the bedsheets next to her hand. 

“Good night…” His mom whispered, her voice echoing off the unfamiliar hospital walls. He could feel the disappointment in her voice at his silence. Her voice sounded so fragile, like if she raised it even a little, she would shatter. But Kyle knew she wasn’t the fragile, sensitive woman whom she posed as. He knew what she had put him through all those years of not being around. 

Kyle didn’t respond, not willing to give her that victory. 

So he turned away, facing the wall so she wouldn’t see the tears threatening to pour down his face. He could feel his mom’s gaze on him, but he refused to look back. That would be giving her what she wanted. And she didn’t deserve that. Not yet, at least.

He could hear the small smile in his mom’s voice as she started to close her eyes softly, but she couldn’t help but whisper into the emptiness three simple words. “I love you…”

Kyle wasn’t sure if he was even supposed to hear it; the words were just on the brink of silence. But either way, he did hear it. 

Deep down, he knew this was just the beginning. To gain, you had to lose. Kyle was going to need to sacrifice a lot if he was going to do this. All of this.

And even as he pictured all those late nights he spent wishing for more, for something, anything, even just a hint that she cared, he couldn’t help but imagine those smiling faces once more. He looked so peaceful, so carefree, so happy.

And he thought of those happy memories.

And those funny jokes.

And the times he could just be himself, for himself.

Kyle never saw the corners of his mom’s mouth turn up slightly, a small smile playing on her lips as he got up to leave.

Because as he had gotten up, he couldn’t help but whisper back into the night.

“I love you too…”